


Comedy = Tragedy + Time

by orphan_account



Category: Portal (Video Game), Rooster Teeth Productions RPF
Genre: Dude I don't even know, I should be writing an essay right now (But I'm not), M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-21
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-11-30 00:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/693517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I promise nothing will go wrong," said Ray, pressing 'close disk tray'. <br/>Which, naturally, was when everything went to Hell.</p>
<p>Or, the one in which Ray has superpowers, Michael is Chell, Gavin is Wheatley and Geoff and Jack are P-Body and Atlas. <br/>Really, they just want to go home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Courtesy Call

He finds out about Ray's powers completely on accident, one Saturday afternoon. They're playing video games one second and then the next- well, the next second Michael spontaneously _becomes_ Master Chief who is being shot at by the forerunners. He freaks out for all of ten seconds before he's pulled back into his lounge room by none other than Ray, himself. 

"What the fuck?" he demands, looking from the video game to the controller to Ray and then back to the controller. 

And Ray has the gall to look sheepish and maybe a little bit terrified. "So. Funny story."

He then goes on to explain how, for some reason, when he was a kid and his dad came back home one day, he'd brought a cool little orb and told his son to wish for anything in the world. Ray had wished for the ability to jump into video games and pull others in with him, because, at the time he'd been obsessed with Super Mario Brothers. Ever since then he could weave in and out of games. Though, if he didn't use his powers regularly they'd spasm out of control- as they did with Michael, only a few minutes ago.

"Once I accidentally pulled my Grandma into Saint's Row," he admitted, wincing. "She's never really been quite the same."

So Michael doesn't believe Ray, not really. But then it happens again.

And again.

And again. 

Really, it happens with startling regularity that it'd be stupid to not suspend his disbelief. 

So, Ray has magic powers gifted to him from some freaky orb. What up.

\-- -- ---

"Oh God," Michael moaned, as Gavin shoved one of Geoff and Griffon's homemade cupcakes in his mouth. "I asked for a cupcake but you gifted me _Nirvana_."

"Stop being gross," Jack whined, which Michael thought was unfair seeing as how, the previous day he'd been send a badge that had 'MAVIN 4EVR' in bright, bold letters and he'd been wearing the badge ever since. Nobody seemed to believe that they weren't dating. Except maybe Geoff, but that was only because he lived in the same house as Gavin and would know if he was being fucked or doing the fucking. Not that Michael had thought about it in any detail at all. Ever.

"You'd be gross too if you tried one of these cupcakes," Gavin smiled, holding up a cupcake to Jack. "You'd get the icing in your beard and you wouldn't give a bugger about looking cum-shot."

"Ew," Michael and Jack said in unison. Jack snatched the cupcake from Gavin and took a bite, as if to spite him.

"This is good," he admitted, putting it down, while Michael thought up a million and one fat jokes to use against him if the situation demanded it. "Though, I'm not having my boyfriend shove it down my damned throat."

"Not my boyfriend," Michael said, quickly. Gavin nodded firmly. Team Lads was solid in this denial of romance. 

"You guys are totally fucking," Geoff said, walking into the room with Ray in toe. "This little asshole got me sucked into Goddamned Sims 2 and then proceeded to try and make me have sex with Jack."

"Ungh!" Jack wailed. "Why is everyone here gay?"

"I have a wife, asshole!"

"Who you cheated on with.. Me!" Jack coughed. "This is so gay."

"Actually!" Ray said, with a smirk. "Jack was too busy woo-hooing with Michael. Geoff just sat in his underwear and played video games."

"Videogame-ception," Geoff said, sounding proud. The same time Gavin squawked, "And what was I doing?!"

"I think you were sleeping," Ray said, considering. "You and Michael spent the day tormenting Jack, so you were pretty spent."

"Just like real life," said Gavin, dreamily. 

Jack grunted in frustration. 

And that's how their days went.

\-- --

They decided to have a game night that Friday. All of them, minus Ryan because he wanted to spend time with his kid and minus Caleb because last time there was a game night they all made fun of him. The entire time. Michael thought he was pretty wise for not going. Maybe next time he wouldn't tease him so much. Maybe.

They decided to have it at Geoff's new place because a) it was big and b) it was big. He bought a fucking massive TV sometime last year and Michael had never been more thrilled for him. 

So, he rocked up at half past six with Gavin, pizzas in hand. Everyone was happy to see them. Or the pizzas. They were happy to see the pizzas. Whatever. 

"Welcome, welcome!" Ray smiled, grabbing the boxes from Michael and putting them on the coffee table in front of the TV. Everyone swarmed to the boxes and pulled out a slice of whatever the Hell it was that their heart desired. Michael just took a pepperoni. Nothing beat the Classics.

"We have a bit of a surprise today," Ray said, still shovelling pizza in his face. "I rigged it up myself, not to brag."

"No you didn't, asshole. Fucking Ryan did it."

"-Not the point, Geoffrey. Anyway. Special surprise. Totally awesome. For the tower of Pimps."

"-It's not for the fucking tower, idiot-"

"I may have over exaggerated!" Ray said, still sounding suspiciously merry. "But. Cool game night. Cool games. And before anyone asks, my super cool powers of destiny will not interfere with our game time."

"That sounds like a recipe for disaster," came Gavin, from beside Michael. He hadn't even realised that Gavin had sat down next to him. Huh. 

"Also stop referring to them as 'powers'. It makes you sound crazy." Michael finished off his slice and reached for another.

"What else should I call them?" Ray demanded, starting up the xbox. Everyone grabbed a controller. "They're powers, dude. I have a superpower. I am like Superman, or Spiderman. Or Jesus."

"Or like a lightbulb!" Gavin supplied helpfully. Everyone turned to look at him, questioningly. "Because a light is _power_ ed by electricity. Geddit?"

"Shut the fuck up, Gavin," Michael commanded, somewhat fondly. "So, what are we playing?"

"That's what I was leading up to. It's a range of games. Every ten minutes the disk will skip and we'll play a completely random game that's already stored on my hard drive. And I have a tonne of games on that thing."

"How." Michael frowned, as he signed in on one of the guest accounts Geoff had created for him ages ago.

"My Lightbulb-like prowess," Ray shrugged, and collapsed onto the bean bag closest to the screen. Everyone else arranged themselves around the room. Gavin curled up a fraction next to Michael. Michael resisted the urge to pet him. 

"First game we're playing," Ray said, jabbing a button to 'Close Tray'. "Well, let's just see."

And then, like all the terrible horror movies that Michael was so fond of, the lights clicked off. And something hard and cold knocked Michael over the back of the head.

His last thought was, 'Gavin you little shit-' before passing the fuck out.

\--

He awoke once, groggy. He looked around the room and the walls were white. He fell back asleep.

\-- 

The second time he awoke, he found himself in the same room he'd been in when he'd first opened his eyes, however long before. There was a glass panel which was too opaque to see clearly through and on one side of the room a small toilet, and next to it a radio and a clip board and some sort of bed-

He'd seen this before.

He staggered upright, his legs betraying him. He blinked and looked around again. He closed his eyes and counted to ten. When he opened them, the room had become inexplicably older, vines weaving through the (now shattered) glass. He looked up. The glass ceiling was cracked down the middle and Michael shuddered, imagining the panes falling and leeching into his skin.

He'd been here before.

Kicking through the glass panel seemed like a good idea, and he did so, flinching back against the loud noise it made. In the background he could hear the tell tale echoes of crashes and bangs, like a factory. But much, much larger. 

He'd been here before.

He proceeded forward, gingerly making his way through the mouldy room. This had to be a dream. There was no way shit like this actually happened to people. Let alone him. He reached a large metal door and tried to pry it open, succeeding after only a few minutes of pulling and shoving. His orange overalls got caught on the side of the door tearing them slightly- but that was okay because they were a tad too long and his long fall boots might get caught on them, so-

Oh Shit.

Oh Jesus.

Fucking _Ray_. 

"Oh my God," Michael realised, watching the companion cube fall from the chamber in the ceiling. "I'm in fucking _Portal_."

"Right you are, mate," came a shockingly familiar voice. Michael looked up.

" _Wheatley_?!" Shit. This was so fucking weird.

"You wish!" the orb laughed, sailing on his rail from behind a fallen panel on the wall. "It's Gavin. Hi."

"Gav-" He blinked. "Well, of course you're Wheatley." It made sense.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" he demanded, optic flaring. 

"Well, you're both moronic Brits," he explained. "A pretty solid match if you ask me."

Gavin sighed, or the robotic approximation of sighing, anyway. "You're bloody Chell. You want to talk matches, just look at you!"

"How am I anything like Chell, Gavin?" he asked and thought, At least Chell had a damn gun. 

"You both look good in orange." 

"Thank you?" He frowned up at Gavin, eyebrows knitted together. He absentmindedly played with the jumpsuit pockets. A nervous habit.

"You're welcome," Gavin said, smile in his voice. "Also, I had a look-see to try and find the others. I think Geoff and Jack are P-Body and Atlas."

"So they should be okay," Michael acknowledged. "Seeing as they can't die and all. Well. Yet. What about Ray?"

"I think Ray might be Rattman. Hiding somewhere."

"How helpful," Michael sighed. "The one person who can get us out of here is a hiding schizophrenic. Yay."

Gavin didn't say anything for a second, and Michael looked up. Gavin was twitching, sparks flying from his handles. Michael realised it was some sort of anxiety thing.

"What do you know, Gavin?" he questioned, glaring at the sphere. "What do you know that you're not telling me?"

"Well!" he said, sounding worried. "Two things. Two very bad things."

"Which are?"

"You really don't want to know."

Michael reached up to make a grab at Gavin. He was too slow, Gavin moved up the rail. "Gavin."

"Alright, three things, then. If you're dragging it out of me."

"Tell me!"

Gavin sighed again and started talking, nearly too fast for Michael to hear, let alone make sense of. "Well! Numero Uno, Game time is different to regular time. Ray's rigged the system so we swap video games every ten minutes. But I've been here for two hours already whilst you were sleeping."

"Shit," groaned Michael, pacing. "Continue."

"Numero two.. Oh. Over time we all kind of," he spun around, sparking. "Morph into our characters? A little? Or, a lot. It started out slowly for me, but I can feel- Wheatley? Sort of making himself known. If that makes sense. And I was watching Jack and Geoff earlier and their mannerisms become more and more.. Robotic."

"Fuck. Shit. Damn."

"Which means," Gavin continued, anxiously swaying. "Ray is turning into a crazy schizophrenic who's in love with a cube."

"We'll never get out of here. Until the game stops over. And that could take forever."

"Yeah," Gavin conceded, sounding throughly put out now.

"And the third thing?" Michael asked, really not wanting to hear anymore.

"If we all play different characters at Aperture," Gavin said, uncertainly, still swaying. "It means that somewhere, GLaDoS is lurking."

"This just keeps getting better and better." Michael kicked one of the white panels on the wall, jumping back when it lurched forward.

"It means," Gavin continued, stressing out every syllable. "We have to be careful. You could die. I could die. Everyone could die. If She finds out we're trying to escape."

"We're trying to escape now?" Michael asked, tiredly. The panel retreated back into the wall. Michael didn't trust it. Hell, he didn't trust this entire place. Man, if he ever escaped from this place, he'd never be able to play Portal again. This sucked.

"Once we find everyone else," Gavin confirmed, optic darting around madly. "But I think the outside world might be set in the Half-Life Universe which means we won't be safe there, either. So we just wait 'til the game changes over."

"And what? We pray that it's My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and not Dead Space or Silent Hill?"

Gavin lowered himself so he was face-to-face, or more acutely, face-to-sphere with Michael. Michael felt the odd urge to grab his handles and kiss the sphere. He didn't.

"I guess that hope is all we've got."

Michael sighed. What a stupid thing to say.


	2. Fifteen Acres of Broken Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're lost, we're in trouble and we need to find the others. Death doesn't take a fucking nap!"
> 
> "Technically," Gavin said, sagely, "Death is 'the long sleep'. So it kind of does. Take a nap. I mean, if you personify it."
> 
> "We're not personifying death," Geoff muttered. "Shut the fuck up, Gavin."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Michael swore, trying to make his movements along the catwalk as quiet as possible. He and Gavin were still looking for a Portal Gun because a) it was their only chance at finding the others and escaping and b) Portal Guns were so damn cool.

"Shut up!" Gavin chided, from above Michael's head. "She might hear you. D'you want us to get killed? Smelly humans.."

Michael looked up, questioningly, opting not to say anything. Or, rather, he couldn't say anything. This morphing into Chell thing was one hell of a character work shop.

"Sorry- I-," Gavin audibly sighed. "This- Wheatley thing is really buggering me over."

"Just think how Ray feels," Michael murmured, continuing along the rusted mesh. "He's probably making out with a Companion Cube right now."

"If he didn't get us into this mess, I'd be inclined to feel sorry for him. As it is," Gavin sparked a tad and gestured for Michael to go through the heavy metal door. "I don't."

They walked for a few hours after that, Michael was getting tired and Gavin was getting scared. He kept talking about 'Her' and Michael found himself wanting to respond, but never quite managing. Time progressed and with it brought Gavin's word vomit and Michael's stoic silences. They needed to find the others.

Eventually, they came across a few abandoned offices and Michael decided to set up camp, much to Gavin's protests.

"We need to find the othe- Oh I see, you're doing that 'human nap thing'." Michael could almost hear the inverted commas in his tone. "Personally, I think it's a bit of a joke. 'Sleep'. Pfft. Us robots have a sleep _mode_. Much more effective, if you ask me."

"Wasn't asking," Michael murmured, gazing up at the sphere who barely resembled Gavin in speech, now. "And you're right. We have to get out of here. But we can't do that if I don't sleep."

"Right. Well, while you sleep I have to watch over you. Obviously. So, your lack of robotic parts is really slowing us down on this journey of escape."

Michael grunted in response, and swept a keyboard and mug with 'I hate Mondays' off the table, so he could lie down. 

"I don't know why I bother with you." 

Michael hopped up on the desk, unstrapping his boots and loosening the overalls around his waist. He laid down and closed his eyes, trying to tune out Gavin-Wheatley.

"Alright. I guess you're sleeping, then. So I'll, you know, look after you and all that. Protect you. Your guardian angel."

Michael said nothing.

"You're my boy, Michael."

Michael tried not to think about the strain in Gavin's voice and how, it could be very possible to lose his friend forever if they didn't fix this.

\--

He awoke to a loud crash.

"Ah, ooh, sorry. Woke you up didn't I?"

Michael rose from the desk, feet landing firmly in the long fall boots. He strapped them up and looked anywhere but Gavin.

"It was- er. Well! I was trying to, you know, rig the system. All technical jargon, but! I did! And! I found the others. They're all together of course, without us. Hiding down near the sealed of part of the facility. Morons. So- anyway! I tried to pinpoint their location and then, smash! Bang! Everything sort of explodes, and then you woke up and now I am explaining this all to you. We should probably get moving."

Michael blinked. 

"Riiight," Gavin said. "On we go."

Gavin led the way and they climbed through cracks and crevices, trying their best to stay off the main grid in attempt to go unnoticed by Her. Michael thought they were doing a pretty good job. They clambered through abandoned tests, solving them without portals which proved to be very, very difficult and usually ended up with one or both of them trying to wedge the door open so that they could proceed forward. Thankfully, most of the gunk from the moats had ominously disappeared. However, the flip side to this was that none of the mechanisms worked and it took them a long time to open doors or sneak around the sides. 

"The way I see it, we either find them soon or we don't. I say, if we don't find them soon we leave without them." Gavin started, half way through what felt like the hundredth chamber. It was probably only the tenth or something, but they'd been at it for hours and Michael was _tired_ and this new, rigged version of Gavin had been cute at first but now it was just disturbing. He needed to find the others. 

"We can't," Michael muttered, eyes cast downwards, scanning the ground for any trace of humanity or a portal gun or the other. There had to be _something somewhere_.

They carried on, Gavin talking aimlessly and Michael looking high and low for any traces of anything. His memory was, admittedly getting foggy which was never a good sign. But, he remembered back to earlier that month when he and Gavin had lost Jack's remote and had been locked outside until they'd found it.

It had been snowing and, for some reason, they thought it would be hilarious to hide the remote in the snow. Of course, after a few drinks, they'd forgotten _where_ exactly in the snow they'd hidden it. They had been freezing, Gavin dressed in shorts and a shirt and Michael in jeans and a jacket. He'd given Gavin the jacket when he'd started shivering and almost immediately regretted it, until he saw Gavin's face which shone with gratitude and maybe something else, just under the surface.

Michael looked up at the spherical embodiment of Gavin, now and realised he didn't resemble the dopey lad anymore than Michael resembled Madonna. He realised with a pang of anxiety that he _missed_ Gavin something fierce. 

He hated everything about their current predicament. He hated it.

"Michael," came the sphere, Bristollian accent prominent- he sounded more like Wheatley than anything else. "I think I've found Geoff."

\--

Geoff was perched on the end of a precariously dangling catwalk, when they found him, hanging onto the railing as if for dear life. Honestly, it was only a ten metre drop, tops. 

"Geoff?" Michael asked, voice louder than it had been the previous few hours. The slender robot jolted upright, rocking the catwalk and inadvertently swinging himself off. He gasped and rolled onto the floor, tumbling over himself and dropping the orange and red gun on the white panels that lay underneath. "You have a portal gun."

Geoff clambered up, falling over his long limbs twice. He snatched the portal gun from the ground and looked apprehensively from Michael to Gavin. "I- Michael?"

Michael nodded. Geoff stepped forward and then stepped back.

"Oh, and let's just forget about little old Wheatley," Gavin snapped, optic glowing ominously. "No need for introductions, I've read about bots like you in the back of 'malfunctioning bots weekly'."

"That's Gavin," Michael murmured, pointing. Gavin whirled around in objection and then stopped mid twirl, in realisation that, oh yes, he _was_ actually Gavin.

"I think he just insulted me," Geoff remarked, handing the gun to Michael. "Also, seriously. You keep that. Proved more trouble than it's worth. In the game you can sort of.. suss out distances. In this piece of shit world, I can barely aim straight without landing on my ass."

Michael weighed the gun, considering. "Thank You."

"Wait, woah, hold up there, soldier," Gavin commanded, optic flaring between the two of them. "Why aren't you all robotic?"

"What?" 

"Like," Gavin travelled up the management rail, trying to get closer to Geoff. Unfortunately, the rail only travelled along the wall and Geoff was standing in the middle of the room. Gavin quickly zoomed back. "Overalls here has been slowly transforming into that girl. Chell. And I've been turning into the personality core, myself."

"So I can see," Geoff said, and Michael could hear the smirk in his voice. "I met up with Ray earlier. He fixed me, meddled around with some of my circuits."

"You met Ray?!" Gavin demanded. Michael, too felt more than a little indignant.

"Yeah. He's like some sort of wizard, now. Totally fucking nuts though. He sent me to find you."

"Well, you found us! Let's get moving!"

"Well, yeah. But uh. That was before I used some portals. I kind of have no idea how to get back."

Michael sighed. What did he expect, really? "Where's Jack, then?"

Geoff looked up and down and then spun around, nearly knocking himself over. "He was here a second ago."

"Well he's not here now," Gavin observed. "Just you, looks like."

"Very observant," Geoff snapped. "I must have thrown him out of a portal somewhere. That's probably my bad."

"Probably," Gavin agreed, somewhat snide. 

Michael huffed and tried to evaluate the situation at hand. He, Gavin and Geoff had the number advantage at the moment so it'd probably be unwise to split up, unless the situation demanded it. And, right now, the situation didn't appear as if it did. 

"We'll keep going," Michael instructed. "We'll find the others and then we'll leave."

\--

They search the corridors for another couple of hours and Michael is reminded why he hated Gavin.

He hated Gavin for a whole plethora of reasons. Gavin was loud. Gavin was obnoxious. Gavin had zero concept of personal space and doesn't understand when he crosses the line between 'funny' and 'mean'. Michael hated Gavin, or, at least he used to. He found that, when he first met the man he was first charmed to a degree by his looks but then, after spending days with him in an office, he realised that Gavin was a complete idiot. Of course, after months and months of working alongside him, the hatred ebbed away to annoyance and the annoyance faded to some sort of sad acknowledgement. He had started to spend time with Gavin, actual, honest to God bro-dates. It was fucking weird at first, but that, like everything else, soon became normal and Michael no longer really thought anything of it. 

The thing was, he hated _Gavin_ , not this sad, weird impersonation of his friend. It was kind of like Frankenstein's monster, only more English and less eloquent. The Wheatley-Gavin was just _wrong_ and Michael found himself counting all the imperfections, all the things that weren't Gavin. All the things that he missed. He missed Gavin's stupid, dumb nose. He missed Gavin's fucking lame laugh which the sphere seemed incapable of, save for a crude imitation of it. 

In short, he found himself missing Gavin and the thought was enough to fucking terrify him.

He was barely aware he was fond of Gavin and this came as the worst kind of shock. 

"Guys," Michael murmured, tiredly. They'd been searching all day. Or all night. They'd been searching for a good amount of time, regardless. "I'm fucking beat. Can we sleep?"

"He might be right around the corner," Geoff replied, anxiously and Gavin made a noise of agreement. Michael trudged on, miserably.

"Look, the sooner we find him, the better. We can get you and Gavin fixed and get the Hell out of here. Think of it as a pilgrimage." 

"That's dumb," Michael murmured, though, what he wanted to say was 'I'm fine', but, as the hours passed, his memories of his past life were becoming less and less clear. It was pretty frightening to think of it as his 'past life'. Maybe the new life would be a thug life. Maybe, but most probably not. 

"You're dumb," Geoff responded, clacking past Michael on the walkway. "Come on, we need to hurry up."

"I'm losing my fucking mind," Michael growled. "I need a fucking rest."

"Too bad!" Geoff cried, arms flailing. "We're lost, we're in trouble and we need to find the others. Death doesn't take a fucking nap!"

"Technically," Gavin put in, "Death is like a long nap. So it kind of does. Take a nap. I mean, if you personify it."

"We're not personifying death," Geoff muttered. "Shut the fuck up, Gavin."

Gavin looked like he was about to respond with some scathing remark, but the bot froze suddenly and his optic contracted, leaving only a tiny spec of blue.

"Wha-" Michael started, but was silenced by Geoff falling into him, slamming his metallic hand against Michael's mouth. It fucking hurt, Michael swore he felt bones shattering.

He was about to push Geoff away, or scream when he heard it. There was a clattering against the catwalk, some way up. He heard swearing and then gunfire and then nothing. Silence filled the corridors and echoed through the building. He couldn't even hear the background crashes of the facility tearing itself down and rebuilding back up. He couldn't hear the slow, awful movement of whatever the hell it was they were doing.

Geoff lowered his arm and stood there for a minute, staring. Gavin didn't dare turn his back.

Michael moved forward.

He took small, light steps, careful not to draw attention to himself. He was careful not to bang his gun on anything or to step on any creaky bits of mesh. The catwalk was dark and he could barely see a thing so he looked up pleadingly to Gavin who hesitated for a second before his flashlight flicked on and he obligingly followed Michael and lit up the way.

He turned the corner the same time as Gavin.

"Michael," a heavily bearded man croaked. "Gavin."

Atlas was crouched over the man, his own blue optic broken. "Guys," it said, in a fuzzy static-y voice. "Ray's been hit."


	3. Haunted Panels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're together. They can finally leave.
> 
> Michael's never been more thrilled in his life.
> 
> Unfortunately, his optimism tends to play the part of the black cat in his life. 
> 
> Now, there's some sort of prophecy. Things just keep looking up.

Ray stared up at them, his pale eyes looked like they were unseeing but, as Michael moved to curl beside him, they seemed piercingly sharp. "I have to fix you," he croaked, voice damp, sounding as if he'd swallowed glass which was now scraping against his throat. Michael feared that it was possible that could be the case. 

"We have to fix you first," Geoff returned, voice breaking. He was glad Geoff had followed them after ten minutes of silence. He was tall enough, and, hopefully, strong enough to carry Ray to some play they could bandage him up.

Michael wasn't exactly sure where Ray was bleeding- his arm looked pretty bloodied up and it was obvious he couldn't walk, but aside from that, he had no clue what was happening under his dirty lab coat.

"No," Ray muttered, crawling up. Jack (or, Atlas, as Michael had discovered) pulled him to a sitting position. "I have to fix you and Gav first. The prophecy.."

"What. What's he-" 

"He's um," Jack started, uncomfortably, moving his hand to anxiously tug at a beard which was no longer there, "losing it."

Michael frowned. And started to say something, but Ray cut him off.

"His silver skin laced with his golden blood; And his gash'd stabs look'd like a breach in nature.." Ray trailed off, eyes losing focus again. "Hear it not robot, for it is a knell, that summons thee to Heaven or to Hell."

His eyes flashed after that, and Michael swore everything went bright for a second, though, later no one else could confirm this. The world swirled before his eyes before fixing itself back up, seeming drearier and darker than before. Michael blinked.

He blinked and realised that he no longer had the urge to stay quiet. He looked up at Gavin who, although spherical and completely robotic, managed to looked utterly astounded.

"I'm me," Gavin said, the syllables rolling off his tongue, slowly and precisely. "I'm me! I'm not him! I'm me. Look! Michael! Michael!"

Michael looked up with a broad grin and realised that the part of that world that had been seeping into him, changing him from the inside out, had deserted him, leaving him with a fresh mind- his own fucking mind. Sure enough, whatever trace of Chell that had been worming its way into his insides had gone. Ray must have patched him up, somehow. 

"I'm me," Gavin sing-singed to the four of them. "Mee, meeee, meeeeeee."

Michael laughed and turned to Ray. He was pale now, breathing heavily and slack against Jack's leg. His eyes were closed and he looked like he was sleeping but his eyes fluttered open every few seconds, as if fighting to stay that way.

"Ray," Michael murmured, moving forward. Ray smiled up weakly and then looked tiredly at Gavin who was still repeating 'me' in various rhythms. Michael thought he recognised 'Call Me Maybe', but he'd been wrong before. "Will you be okay?"

"We have to go down." Ray gestured to the floor. "She'll wake up, soon. We have to leave."

"We have to find somewhere to fix you," Geoff said harshly. "We're not going anywhere before that. Does anyone know where there's a medical bay or something?"

Gavin stopped singing for a brief moment. "I think.. If I remember correctly, which, there's a very possible chance that I do not, it should be a few levels up. Close to the front lobby."

"I'm not going," Ray breathed, struggling up. "We have to go down. Or we'll all die."

"No cigar, buddy," Jack laughed. "You're injured too bad. We'll fix you and you get us out. Easy."

"You don't understand.."

"We've been wondering around for-fucking-ever while you stayed holed up waiting for us to come back," Geoff pointed out, crossing over to Jack and Ray to help Ray up. "We understand better than you can imagine."

"Please. Guys."

They disregarded him with an easy smirk, opting to pull him up and carry him between them, balancing the weight between the shorter robot and the taller one. 

"Alright, Gavin, where do we take him?"

\---

Michael was so fucking tired of walking. And, now that he'd retrieved his own fucking mind he could voice his opinion to his heart's content. That is, he never shut up about how much he hated this place.

"This med bay better be fucking close," Michael warned, brandishing the gun threateningly. "Or I'll portal you fuckers to _Mars_."

"I liked it better when you didn't talk," Geoff snapped. "You're not helping."

"But we've been walking for decades," Michael moaned, and Gavin clicked his flashlight on and off sympathetically. "I'm _tired_."

"Ray's dying," Jack pointed out. "I'm sure you understand."

Michael muttered 'jack-ass' under his breath, which he sure everyone could hear, what with their stupid robo-sensory hearing and all. Whatever. They _had_ been walking for a long time, and long fall boots or no, his legs ached like a mother bitch. The rooms had been getting gradually cleaner though, and that was always a plus. 

"Michael's human though," Gavin pointed out. "He probably needs an actual nap or he'll pass out and that'll be a problem."

"He can sleep when we get Ray some help," Geoff snapped, glaring up at Gavin.

"Alright, calm down." Gavin looked at Michael. Being a sphere, Michael had a hard time deciphering his expression, but he was sure it was somewhere between sadness and annoyance. He appreciated it nonetheless.

They trekked on in an awkward silence, broken only occasionally by Ray coughing or Michael swearing. Sometimes, Gavin would point out odd phenomena which would cause Ray to moan about 'The Prophecy' which then led to Geoff telling Gavin to up and to stop agitating Ray. He'd eventually realised that it was in his best interests to do so, and stopped pointing things out a long while before they'd reached their desired location.

The facility stayed ominously quiet, it made less noise than what Michael had previously experienced and that freaked him out a whole bunch. But, it was silence and, with the headache that came with sleep deprivation, Michael could only be thankful that the place had quietened down and that his friends were equally silent.

"It's just around the corner, I think," Gavin whispered, pulling Michael out of his stoic chain on thoughts. Michael hoped that Gavin's questionable sense of direction hadn't led them in the complete opposite direction of where they were meant to end up. It had happened before. 

They turned the corner, and sure enough, they were met with a room with faded blue walls and a non-automatic door which they then opened to reveal, ba-dum, a medical bay, complete with countless syringes as well as dozens of posters that littered the wall with things like, 'Be Safe: Robots Carry Venereal Infections Too.' and 'Are You Feeling Weak, Frail? You Might Be Experiencing Bone Degradation. Consult Our Leading Doctors Today!'. 

"This place is freaky," Michael observed and watched Jack and Geoff deposit Ray onto the sick bed and scavenge around for bandages. Out of the corner of his eye he caught another poster which read, 'Are You Suffering From Severe Anxiety From Your Workplace Environment?' then, underneath in smaller writing, 'Stop that.'

"Ha, guys that one is pretty fun-"

"I found bandages!" Jack hollered, holding them above his head. "Alright, Ray, take off your coat. We'll patch you up."

Ray obliged but looked completely crestfallen the whole time. When he'd removed the coat, Michael caught side of the wounds on his chest. Not bullet holes, exactly, but they looked sinister and sloped down like a claw. They looked shallow enough, though. Easy to fix. 

"We have to go," Ray moaned, when Jack had finished on his upper body. "We have to leave."

Geoff shook his head sadly and forced Ray down onto the bed, which was an easy task seeing as Geoff's strength was far superior and Ray was pretty injured. "Michael needs to sleep, anyway. We'll head down in a few hours, if you feel up to it. Then you can take us home."

Michael pulled off his long-fall boots and climbed into one of the four sick-bay beds. He was so tired, and it was so nice to have a horizontal surface to lie down on, as uncomfortable as it was. He half listened to the others' conversation and half looked at all the different posters on the wall. He read a few funny ones, but before he knew it he'd started to drift off, thinking about robots and flowers and paddle boats..

"Night, Mic _ool_."

He fell asleep.

\--

 

The first thing he registered when he stumbled out of bed was that everyone was huddled around Ray. It took him a few more moments to wonder why they were gathered around him, until he realised, oh yeah, life or death situation. Huh.

"What's goin' on?" he asked, yawn breaking the sentence in half. Geoff and Gavin turned to look at him, but Jack kept his eye trained on Ray's pale face.

"Ray's not getting better," Geoff said, running a hand over his antenna, flicking it up between his fingers. "He's getting worse."

Michael bit his lip. Ray _did_ look worse- his skin looked flaky and he looked like he was perpetually trembling. "Can we do anything for him here?"

"There's nothing here," Jack ground out. "Bandages and weird shit. We've tried different stuff. He doesn't seem to be improving."

"You have to take me down," Ray murmured, pleadingly. His words cracked like his lips around the words. 

Geoff and Jack sighed in unison and Michael's chest panted with something not at all unfamiliar. This dude was one of his best friends, crazy or not. When Ray had been sick the previous year, Michael had taken care of him even though he kept saying delusional crap. It had been scary and somewhat heartbreaking but it was nothing compared to this. 

"We'll think about it." Geoff turned back to Ray, but directed his next comment to Michael. "There's food in one of the green cupboards. Go eat with Gavin so we can think about this in peace."

Michael wanted to object, but he was also very hungry and he hadn't had a chance to talk with Gavin since he'd been restored to his actual, annoying self. He beckoned the sphere to follow him as he grabbed a can of beans and sat down at the end of the sick bed furthest to Ray. 

"D'you think we'll be okay?" Gavin asked softly, after Geoff and Jack had returned their full attention to Ray.

"I dunno. I mean. Ray's not doing so good, huh?"

"I don't want him to die."

Michael didn't look up from his beans. "I don't think you're alone in that thought, Gavin."

"What happens if he dies?" Gavin asked, sounding very, very worried. "Will he die in real life? Will we be able to escape this game without him?"

Michael shrugged. "I dunno."

They were silent for a moment, Gavin whirring anxiously and Michael chewing the flavourless beans. 

"I don't want to die." Michael looked up at Gavin who looked absolutely terrified at the prospect. He looked across the room to the others and realised what a high possibility that death actually was. "I've loads of cripe that I haven't done yet. It's not fair."

"I think Ray would agree with you." He looked back down. He missed his home. He missed his job. He missed Gavin's actual face. He missed a lot of things, all of which were completely mundane and probably stupid. "What would you do if we got out of here alive?"

"What? To like, do stuff that I haven't done yet?" Gavin asked. "Live my life to the full, and all that?"

"Yeah."

Gavin was quiet for a second. "Go back home for a tad, I guess. Then come back and hang out with my friends. Maybe go skydiving. I'd probably vomit though, huh. Even the thought is making me whoozy, which is ridiculous. I have nowhere to vomit from." He paused. "And, to be cliche, fall in love, perhaps. That seems like a pretty good deal."

"You've never been in love?" Michael asked, surprised. _Everyone_ had been in love at one point or another. Or, thought they'd been in love. It was the same thing, really.

"Nah," Gavin replied. "I always thought it seemed like a bit of an effort. I mean, I've tried a few times but people get so _irritating_."

Michael cast a wary glance up at him. " _You're_ complaining about people being irritating? You?"

"Shut up." Gavin looked like he was blushing. If cores could blush. Which they couldn't. Probably. "But I mean, people are always all 'Oooh, look at me I'm so fancy with my eternal romance. Ooh.' It seems nice, but I can't wrap my head around it."

"You can't force yourself to love someone, you dick," Michael rolled his eyes and got up, looking for somewhere to throw his empty can. "Haven't you watched any romantic comedies? It's what they're all about. Also, I don't think people sound like that when they're in love." He said, referring to the falsetto Gavin put on. "Why did you give them a posh accent?"

"If you're in love you're posh," Gavin explained. "Scientifically proven."

"Right."

"It's true! How many people do you know who are in love and aren't posh?"

"Ray and Courtney seem pretty happy and they're not posh."

Gavin visibly deflated and looked very timid all of a sudden. "Ah. Yeah. That."

Michael frowned. Was he pissed at Ray for having girlfriend? Was he pissed at his girlfriend for having a Ray? "What?"

Gavin looked visibly agitated, now. "What? Nothing. I mean, it's not like they're in love though, right?"

What the Hell was Gavin's problem? Courtney and Ray had been dating for months and Ray had come to Michael many a time with dreamy eyes all 'Oh Michael, she is the perfect girl in the wooooorld. She can beat me at video games. I'm going to marry her.' 

"Er, I think it's fairly serious," Michael explain, watching as Gavin's optic dilate. "They're thinking about moving in together eventually. They're pretty in love."

Gavin sparked. "And.. That's.. You're okay.. With. That?"

He blinked. "Yes?"

"Oh. Good."

Silence washed over them for a moment, Michael listened to Ray's harsh, pained breathing and his mutters of 'we have to get out of here' and any variation thereof. 

Michael looked back up to Gavin. "We should probably go help them."

"Yeah," Gavin agreed, and whizzed along the rail.

Ray looked much in the same state as he had before, except maybe now he was sweating a little more profusely. "How's he doing?" Michael asked, already knowing the answer.

"He's stressing himself out," Jack explained. "He wants to go underground. Right now, I'd say that'd be our best bet. There's nothing up here for him."

"And he promised to shut up about the 'prophecy' if we take him down," Geoff added in a light tone but there was a definite darkness underneath. "So it's a win-win. Assuming he doesn't die on our way down."

"I'll die up here!" Ray rasped. "Take me down!"

Michael gave a questioning glance to Jack who sighed in defeat. "We'll gather supplies and leave within the hour."

"Cool," Gavin responded. "I can light the way! With my flashlight! I'm a valuable tool!"

Jack just hunched over and turned to Geoff. "Remember when it was just me and you in the office?"

Geoff rolled his shoulders. "Those were the good old days."

\---

"Jesus Christ, Ray. When did you get so heavy?" 

Ray didn't say anything, instead going limp in Geoff's arms.

"Motherfucker. Jack, you're holding him next."

"No fair!" Jack complained, tripping down the stairs to the next elevator to take them further down than they already were. "I held him half an hour ago! Make Michael do it."

Geoff turned to shake Ray's body at him. "I'm holding the portal gun," Michael explained. "Important business. Besides, aren't you a robot? Do you even have, like, feelings?"

"Of course I have feelings!" Michael sidestepped so that he was closer to Gavin and further from Geoff. "If I had feelings I wouldn't be complaining, now, would I, dip shit?"

"Sorry."

Geoff muttered obscenities under his breath, but continued to cling onto Ray. "I think I see the big-ass manual elevator up that way. Let's see if we can work this shit out."

The fabled 'big-ass elevator' seemed kind of like it was in the game in that it was very broken and, to fall would mean cracking open one's skull if they did not land on their long fall boots. 

"We're going to have to climb down there, aren't we?" Gavin asked, sounding very put out. "I'm going to have to come off my rail. This is horrendous."

"Hurry," Ray murmured.

"I'll place a portal at the bottom, or something," Michael murmured. "It can't be too hard. We'll just hop through."

"We have to go!" came Ray, more urgently, this time.

"We're fucking getting to it!" Michael yelled back, because shit was stressful and Ray wasn't helping.

"Now! Now! Michael- we have to-"

Ray was scrambling from Geoff's grip, clawing at the metal, reaching for Michael. "We have to go! We have to leave!"

"We will, just-"

The fluorescent lights that lit their path suddenly went out. 

_Oh shit_ Michael thought. _We're doomed_. 

That's when they heard the soft, commanding but monosyllabic voice of _Her_. 

"Oh, hello," She said through the darkness, voice like the smooth edge of a polished blade. "I didn't realise we had pests in these walls."

"We have to go, we have to go-" Michael heard Ray thrash hysterically around on the floor, fingernails scraping against the cold, hard metal. 

"But, I guess I can forgive you. After all, I do need to test."


End file.
